This Easter season I’ve felt unmoved. My kids have really been wanting to listen to Kids Place Live in the car while we have it–it’s on Serius XM (the car we currently own has a life long subscription.) I allow this to and from school but it cuts into my Jesus worship music time. If I have the music on in the house that’s fine, but I’m shuffling about and busy, so it doesn’t sink in like it would when I’m driving.
I’m sure it’s not just the music that has me in a dull place, but that’s part of it. I’ve been a Christian long enough to know that it isn’t all about the feelings. If you’re relying on feelings in your walk with Christ, that’s a bit of a red flag! But at the same time, this is the season, the moment where it all comes together. I almost always find myself in moments of gratitude and tears remembering him. I generally feel closer to my Lord during this time.
In my hunger I did an absurdly modern thing: I googled “Jesus.” Of course nothing of use came up. Wikipedia’s definition and others that are similar. Then I remembered the super smarmy but reliable old stand by: Ray Boltz. I’d done it before and I’ll do it again. I turned to one of his hits of yore to feel a connection to my Jesus. I found “Watch the Lamb” on YouTube, and I wept.